Day 13- Vegas

Viva Las Vegas!

We order breakfast room service. SO luxurious! I swear I haven't done that since before we had kids and only then when it was a work trip, on the client's dime. We quickly find out though that they make it nearly mandatory to spend money to do anything, and make DIYers kind of crazy. For example I saw that a pot of coffee was $18 for room service. Um, no. Of course there was no way the hotel provided a way to make coffee in the room. I still had my french press and ground coffee from the RV with us in the room, so we asked for a pot of hot water with our room service order. It would be $12!!!! For hot water! I said eff that noise and told Mike that after my workout I would swing by the casino Starbucks (one of THREE in the casino) and get us coffee for the room. Which brings me to my workout. I go to the cardio room and there are like 4 treadmills and 3 ellipticals. It's entirely insufficient for the size hotel they are and I wait in line for a machine. Then I see a sign for buying a pass to their "fitness facility" for the day. So they want $25 for the day from me to get out of the small free room. No way jose, this little lady will wait in line for the shitty elliptical from 1979. When I go to get the coffee after working out I feel a little dumb walking across the casino in my sweaty stuff, but then I realize it's 8:30am and I should feel proud of myself for having worked out and not gambling at 8:30. I'm the most respectable person in this place right now dammit! It's funny how being in the minority can make you feel so "wrong" so easily, even a pretty confident, happy person like myself.

Soon after our luxurious room service breakfast we set out to walk the strip, after walking approximately 1.5 miles inside to find the closest exit to the casino. It's beautiful weather and bright and sunny, but the boys are really overwhelmed again. We walk up one side and down the other of Las Vegas Blvd and there are just drunk people and club music in your face at all hours I guess. At least some flyer vendors had the courtesy to not hand my husband hooker coupons while he had our 4 year old riding on his shoulders. Mike foolishly reads a pair of tacky underwear out loud (displayed in a store window, not on a body thank God!) and says "haha, they say 'I heart to Fart'." Arlo thinks this is hilarious and tells everyone he sees for the next half hour, "I HEART to FART!" with lots of emphasis on the words and perfect pronunciation. It's adorable in a way that is as tacky as Vegas so we keep laughing. G's one request is to go to the M&M store so we head there for some (hopefully) down time.

 

I HEART to FART!

 

We get in the M&M store and it's a zoo like the rest of the city. We are told there is a cute movie on the third floor that is only like 10 minutes and great for little, little people. It is cute, and a nice place to sit for a few minutes but again it's SO loud and 3D so it's in your face big time. Arlo sat terrified the whole movie and didn't even touch his M&Ms since his body was petrified. We asked him if he liked it and he was like, "No. I no like. I don't think so."  At least no one cried! We did buy one of our only souvenirs here and get the boys (and Liam of course) cute M&M straw cups.

KISS ME!

After the M&M store we decide to try one more thing for the kids. We hear Excalibur has a kiddie arcade and more importantly, it's across the street. The boys seem to love running around the arcade and collecting tickets and the space is pretty small and manageable. I see how Vegas hooks you early, as there is a gleam in the boys eyes as they race around asking for more quarters and NEEDing more tickets. G is walking around like he should be wearing a sign that says "Winning Feels So Good." And clearly we need to win more odd plush toys that we can't even identify. Like what is this creepy toy? Why the sexy lips on a caterpillar? And why can't we get the plastic off her large bush baby like eyes?

Mike and G, in a glassy-eyed overwhelmed gambler's fog

Ahhhh that's better. Mike and G in daylight breathing real air.

Arlo: huge and uncomfortable. Some things never change.

"Hey mom, what does the song mean when it says "Talk Dirty to Me?"

After  Excalibur we give G the option of lunch back in the room or out at a restaurant. Both boys say "back to the room!" They are tired and love the room and their answer is indicative of how they are feeling about Vegas. I start to hate Vegas myself. After the boys nap G and I hit the pool. Now, we chose the MGM Grand because it was one of the most "kid friendly." I guess maybe it's kid friendly by Vegas standards, but it was pretty challenging to use a stroller at the pool, find a place to change a 4 year old into a bathing suit (you aren't supposed to wear pool wear walking through the casino, so kind of need to change him there) and don't get me started on how we would have gotten Arlo's diaper changed if he wanted to go in (which he didn't. As much as he loves swimming, the pool was definitely not his scene) or even just find a place in the pool that wasn't full of drunk people and loud, loud music. I wrap G's cast with a plastic bag and duct tape (we're high rollers, can't you tell?) and let him have at it. There is an incredibly nice young life guard who helps us find the shallowest pool and helps us with our bags and towels. I tip him because I presume it's a tip-able type service he's providing and he's super grateful.  He spends the rest of G and my pool time kind of staring at us. I might have thought it was creepy under other circumstances, but given that it was debauchery all around us, he might have just been having a nice time watching something wholesome. Because we were about as wholesome as it gets in Vegas, even though mommy had a ginormous margarita in a waterproof tumbler in the pool with her. What? I'm a mom, I have more reason to drink than any of these young chickadees around the pool.

After the pool G and I meet Mike and Arlo at the Rainforest Cafe for a (loud) dinner. It is pretty kid friendly though and we don't have to worry about corraling them in a mostly adult place. There is however a table full of older southern ladies next to us, wearing bedazzled T-shirts with slot machine cards around their necks. The shoot us dirty looks when our kids are loud. Oh I'm sorry, am I ruining your fine dining experience? Did you come to the Rainforest Cafe in your best jeweled cat T-shirt for the "formal" night of your Vegas experience? When the check comes they ask the server to go back for separate checks and then talk about tipping him 10%. After they ask him like 20x for more things like mayo and ranch (hurl). I deem our server a saint even though he is short with us. I mean really, he deals with shit like this ALL DAY LONG. 

My sister and I have a picture here as kids. We tried to re-create it. It didn't work.

After dinner Mike and G go to the Ferris Wheel for the "big kid" treat (it's 45 minutes. Arlo would lose his shit in a small ferris wheel car for that long). Arlo and I head back to the hotel for some fedora play and he conks out. Mike and G come back after 9 totally tired. We all agree we are excited to go home. Though when we tell Arlo we are going home tomorrow he says, "to California?" Funny how when you are less than 2 years old your most distant memory is 2 weeks ago!