Day 14- HOME

Leaving Las Vegas

You know it's time to go home when you wake up in a big, beautiful bed (with all the sheets and towels in the room washed by someone else!) and you think about how you are looking forward to sleeping in your own bed tonight. The day starts off with Mike and I silly bickering about who gets to go down to the lobby by themselves to get coffee at the Starbocks. I got to go yesterday morning, but he got to go to the casino alone. Anyone with kids knows this alone-time-errand run dance.  It's obviously been too many days in a row that no one has gotten alone time really and as much as we love each other, we could all use a break. Well, except Arlo, who would still be in utero if he could fit. I end up going but taking Arlo in the stroller. As I walk into the casino, wearing my jammies and pushing a baby in a stroller, I hear "Fancy" start blaring over the speakers. I feel as a DJ somewhere in the casino saw me and was playing a joke. I no longer have any fucks to give about my "mom lost in Vegas" presence and own it, walking to the beat and singing "who dat? who dat?" to myself.  I AM fancy dammit. I'm wearing a bra and these are my nicest yoga pants. And you know what is ironic, there is really nothing fancy about anyone in a casino at 8 am.

Nothing goes wrong with packing and leaving, but I get snippy over stupid stuff. I hate packing and getting ready to go with stir crazy kids. It stresses me out, vacation is over and we have a long flight ahead of us. Mike and the boys are fine, I'm just cranky. Regardless we leave, get a taxi (with a massive amount of luggage again, and now our little 4 year old roller bag helper is down an arm), get checked in, to the gate and board the plane pretty seamlessly. I mean seamlessly for us. Which still isn't exactly a pretty process, but traveling with small children and all their gear it's impossible to look streamlined.

McCarron airport has to be the most "full of hot messes" location ever. The women's room smells like cheap perfume and poop and is full of women that look like it. Fortunately the flight is on time and we are headed home. I do the quick math in my head and realize we spent the same amount in less than 48 hours in Vegas as we did the whole first 12 days of the trip. This will most likely be my last time in McCarron airport!

The flight was, in one word: a miracle. Our boys are seriously perfect angels. They both took long naps, no one kicked the seat and no one cried once. They basically napped, ate dinner and watched Aladdin. Mike and I watched shows or slept. When we got off the flight the pilot let the boys in the cockpit and gave them both wings for being so good. We're feeling pretty awesome when MIL pulls up to hand over our car and we are able to load up and go home. On the way home Mike asks the boys if they had a good time, and "YES!!!!" was the resounding response from the back seat. He asks where we should go next to which G replies "Africa" (knew that was coming since mommy has talked about how far away it is). Then he asks, "what's the furthest state?" and we tell him Hawaii. He says, "we have to go to Hawaii next then. When I'm 6 we will go to Hawaii." Then they both start yelling, "we're going to Hawaii! We're going to Hawaii!" Geez guys, can we at least get home and unpack first? Maybe pay off the credit card bill from this trip first before my head starts spinning thinking about the cost of flights to Hawaii? But we are awfully glad they have that adventurer spirit in their hearts!

Learning to fly...

Who me? I've been a challenge this trip?! Joke's on you, I'm totally low maintenance.

Sleeping on mommy. I know my time is running out to soak this up!

Final thoughts on the trip were that it was on the whole, pretty freaking awesome. I really liked the Utah stretch of the trip more than any other part. California and Arizona we were still working out the kinks and it was a little stressful, which was unavoidable. By Kenab, UT we hit our stride. And when we got to Vegas, we were kind of done with being in cramped quarters and showering in an upright coffin. I feel like such a lucky duck for getting to do this. We could have planned a vacation that was easier on families: Disney, a cruise, etc. (not knocking these at all- we plan on doing them too in the future!) but being able to show the boys such amazing natural beauty at such a young age was worth the bumps in the road. The positives outweigh the negatives by a landslide.

So would I recommend this kind of travel to families? Absolutely. For 2 weeks max though. Once you have a little RV experience under your belt, and if you stay nicer campgrounds with playgrounds, game rooms and pools it is the ultimate in family friendly travel.  And once you've successfully done a family road trip, you too can say you beat the Germans and chant "USA! USA! USA!" to yourself every night before bed.

Not that I do that.

HOME!

Day 13- Vegas

Viva Las Vegas!

We order breakfast room service. SO luxurious! I swear I haven't done that since before we had kids and only then when it was a work trip, on the client's dime. We quickly find out though that they make it nearly mandatory to spend money to do anything, and make DIYers kind of crazy. For example I saw that a pot of coffee was $18 for room service. Um, no. Of course there was no way the hotel provided a way to make coffee in the room. I still had my french press and ground coffee from the RV with us in the room, so we asked for a pot of hot water with our room service order. It would be $12!!!! For hot water! I said eff that noise and told Mike that after my workout I would swing by the casino Starbucks (one of THREE in the casino) and get us coffee for the room. Which brings me to my workout. I go to the cardio room and there are like 4 treadmills and 3 ellipticals. It's entirely insufficient for the size hotel they are and I wait in line for a machine. Then I see a sign for buying a pass to their "fitness facility" for the day. So they want $25 for the day from me to get out of the small free room. No way jose, this little lady will wait in line for the shitty elliptical from 1979. When I go to get the coffee after working out I feel a little dumb walking across the casino in my sweaty stuff, but then I realize it's 8:30am and I should feel proud of myself for having worked out and not gambling at 8:30. I'm the most respectable person in this place right now dammit! It's funny how being in the minority can make you feel so "wrong" so easily, even a pretty confident, happy person like myself.

Soon after our luxurious room service breakfast we set out to walk the strip, after walking approximately 1.5 miles inside to find the closest exit to the casino. It's beautiful weather and bright and sunny, but the boys are really overwhelmed again. We walk up one side and down the other of Las Vegas Blvd and there are just drunk people and club music in your face at all hours I guess. At least some flyer vendors had the courtesy to not hand my husband hooker coupons while he had our 4 year old riding on his shoulders. Mike foolishly reads a pair of tacky underwear out loud (displayed in a store window, not on a body thank God!) and says "haha, they say 'I heart to Fart'." Arlo thinks this is hilarious and tells everyone he sees for the next half hour, "I HEART to FART!" with lots of emphasis on the words and perfect pronunciation. It's adorable in a way that is as tacky as Vegas so we keep laughing. G's one request is to go to the M&M store so we head there for some (hopefully) down time.

 

I HEART to FART!

 

We get in the M&M store and it's a zoo like the rest of the city. We are told there is a cute movie on the third floor that is only like 10 minutes and great for little, little people. It is cute, and a nice place to sit for a few minutes but again it's SO loud and 3D so it's in your face big time. Arlo sat terrified the whole movie and didn't even touch his M&Ms since his body was petrified. We asked him if he liked it and he was like, "No. I no like. I don't think so."  At least no one cried! We did buy one of our only souvenirs here and get the boys (and Liam of course) cute M&M straw cups.

KISS ME!

After the M&M store we decide to try one more thing for the kids. We hear Excalibur has a kiddie arcade and more importantly, it's across the street. The boys seem to love running around the arcade and collecting tickets and the space is pretty small and manageable. I see how Vegas hooks you early, as there is a gleam in the boys eyes as they race around asking for more quarters and NEEDing more tickets. G is walking around like he should be wearing a sign that says "Winning Feels So Good." And clearly we need to win more odd plush toys that we can't even identify. Like what is this creepy toy? Why the sexy lips on a caterpillar? And why can't we get the plastic off her large bush baby like eyes?

Mike and G, in a glassy-eyed overwhelmed gambler's fog

Ahhhh that's better. Mike and G in daylight breathing real air.

Arlo: huge and uncomfortable. Some things never change.

"Hey mom, what does the song mean when it says "Talk Dirty to Me?"

After  Excalibur we give G the option of lunch back in the room or out at a restaurant. Both boys say "back to the room!" They are tired and love the room and their answer is indicative of how they are feeling about Vegas. I start to hate Vegas myself. After the boys nap G and I hit the pool. Now, we chose the MGM Grand because it was one of the most "kid friendly." I guess maybe it's kid friendly by Vegas standards, but it was pretty challenging to use a stroller at the pool, find a place to change a 4 year old into a bathing suit (you aren't supposed to wear pool wear walking through the casino, so kind of need to change him there) and don't get me started on how we would have gotten Arlo's diaper changed if he wanted to go in (which he didn't. As much as he loves swimming, the pool was definitely not his scene) or even just find a place in the pool that wasn't full of drunk people and loud, loud music. I wrap G's cast with a plastic bag and duct tape (we're high rollers, can't you tell?) and let him have at it. There is an incredibly nice young life guard who helps us find the shallowest pool and helps us with our bags and towels. I tip him because I presume it's a tip-able type service he's providing and he's super grateful.  He spends the rest of G and my pool time kind of staring at us. I might have thought it was creepy under other circumstances, but given that it was debauchery all around us, he might have just been having a nice time watching something wholesome. Because we were about as wholesome as it gets in Vegas, even though mommy had a ginormous margarita in a waterproof tumbler in the pool with her. What? I'm a mom, I have more reason to drink than any of these young chickadees around the pool.

After the pool G and I meet Mike and Arlo at the Rainforest Cafe for a (loud) dinner. It is pretty kid friendly though and we don't have to worry about corraling them in a mostly adult place. There is however a table full of older southern ladies next to us, wearing bedazzled T-shirts with slot machine cards around their necks. The shoot us dirty looks when our kids are loud. Oh I'm sorry, am I ruining your fine dining experience? Did you come to the Rainforest Cafe in your best jeweled cat T-shirt for the "formal" night of your Vegas experience? When the check comes they ask the server to go back for separate checks and then talk about tipping him 10%. After they ask him like 20x for more things like mayo and ranch (hurl). I deem our server a saint even though he is short with us. I mean really, he deals with shit like this ALL DAY LONG. 

My sister and I have a picture here as kids. We tried to re-create it. It didn't work.

After dinner Mike and G go to the Ferris Wheel for the "big kid" treat (it's 45 minutes. Arlo would lose his shit in a small ferris wheel car for that long). Arlo and I head back to the hotel for some fedora play and he conks out. Mike and G come back after 9 totally tired. We all agree we are excited to go home. Though when we tell Arlo we are going home tomorrow he says, "to California?" Funny how when you are less than 2 years old your most distant memory is 2 weeks ago!


 


 

Day 12- Goodbye Cool Boy

Go West!


We spend the morning getting the RV ready to return. Total panic by parents. We basically both look like Jessie Spano when she says "there's never any time!! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... so.. scared Zack!" We have to pack and clean the whole thing, drive to Vegas, check in to the hotel and unload everything, and return the vehicle in Henderson, NV by 5pm. All with the little guys nipping at our heels because mornings are when they are most hyper.  Once we start driving and cross the state line we realize the driving is super easy and fast and we... wait for it... gain an hour. Of course since we have no real concept of time still we honestly didn't even notice it until I looked at my phone and was like, "awesome! we gained an hour!" The whole time zone confusion with us makes me feel like a really unprepared traveler but so far it's only worked in our favor!


We have an uneventful trip to a Goodwill to donate all of our camping stuff and play at a McDonalds for a little bit. Arlo is already loving Las Vegas as he has seen multiple Starbocks and McDonalds and you can see the relief in his eyes that we didn't lose them for good. We then head to the MGM Grand for check in, and we need to call ahead and have a security escort because we are an oversized vehicle. Because things were so hectic getting our entire crew and gear unloaded and into the lobby, I didn't get a chance to take a picture of good old Cool Boy in front of the MGM grand.  It was such a spectacle to behold, and stuck out so badly that even though I didn't get a picture, I almost feel like there are several shots of it in various dudes' Facebook albums of their bachelor parties. I go to check in with the boys and Mike goes to return Cool Boy. Farewell old boy, you've been good to us (for the most part!)


We check in and I swear I have dropped over $50 in tips within 10 minutes. With so much gear and only one parent I just have to rely on the hospitality sector to get me through. And boy is Vegas the place for that to happen thank goodness! We get to the room and it is HUGE! Like a good 20x the size of our RV. And there are SEVERAL doors! There are two doors to the bathroom and two doors to separate the parents' room from the kiddos. Oh my, doors glorious doors. I weep at the sight of them. The boys spend about 20 minutes just running in circles enjoying the new found (air conditioned) space. And just like home, all of the cushions are off the couch to become a fort within 10 minutes of arrival.

Once Mike gets back we head out into the casino and try and find a place for an early dinner. I forget how huge and loud casinos are, and we never make it outside to see daylight once we're in the building. They make it SO hard to find your way out! The boys are overwhelmed. We get lots of terrified looks from young drunk dudes at bachelor parties. WE ARE YOUR FUTURE!!!! TURN BACK WHILE YOU CAN!!!! Mike mind as well be the ghost of Married Future showing these guys around. I can sense we look like a walking nightmare. The funny thing is the boys are being pretty good and we're doing fine- it's just no one wants to see kids in Vegas.

After dinner we take the monorail to the end of the line and back. It's pretty fun but we're all tired from the dinging and the lights and walking 14 miles indoors to get anywhere. We'll explore Vegas more tomorrow and hopefully find our way out of the MGM Grand to see the sun.

Ridin' that train... (this is the only lyric that applies to us right now)

After the kids go to bed (so easily since Lo is in a crib again and can't just walk away and their room is dark and quiet) Mike goes to the casino since he's never been to Vegas before. He texts me that he'll be up soon and I'm all like "take your time! have a drink!" I snuggle in bed by myself watching Keeping up with the Kardashians with my tiny bottle of Prosecco from the convenience store in our lobby. I didn't realize how much I needed alone time (because I was, in fact having a great time together) and it feels so good! I'm not sure I'm really doing Vegas the way it's supposed to be done but man, this bed feels SO right!
 

Day 11- Zion

Oh, Zion!


We leave at a kind of reasonable time of 9 to try and make the 10am parking lot cut off. We make it in at 10:01 and we see one last space at the end of the RV line. Unfortunately another RV with a couple in it are taking up 2 spots and need to move over for us to fit. We pull up and roll down our windows and they say they are saving the spot for a friend. Their accents are German. The woman is in the passengers seat just shaking her head at us after mouthing a "no" with a cold stare in our direction (bitch, please. I've been mugged by thieves with machetes. Your best blue steel look doesn't faze me). I do NOT want an altercation, but this sucks. I want to just go back to town and get the free shuttle but Mike takes a stand. He says, "Sorry but you can't reserve spaces. We're parking here." We both roll up the windows and just sit in our RVs not moving. It's an old fashioned stand off. We are like the north and south going Zaxxs. Mike tells me, "they will eventually move if we wait them out." And he was right! Whoo hoo! We got the last spot!



Mike wins in a test of will with a German. He has NEVER been hotter.

Now that we're on the last day everyone is content with their carseats.

We do our longest hike yet in Zion- 3.5 miles roundtrip. It's perfect for our little explorers because it's a wide paved trail along the river at the bottom of Zion Canyon (Pa'rus trail). This means we can bring the stroller and the Ergo if they both get tired, but let them wander with no steep drop offs.  For the rest of the day I think Zion is my favorite part of the trip, but I think it was just the beauty of the logistics that made me so happy! The boys were energetic troopers and loved running the trail, seeing puppies and bikes and finding lizards. It took us forever with their "hiking style" but we literally had all day. There were 6 bridges to cross on the trail (over the Virgin River) which was a fun bonus as Arlo LOVES bridges. The weather was beautiful and 80 degree all day. So nice!

Maybe if you'd wear sunglasses or a hat this picture wouldn't be so painful Lo.

Naps back at the campground allow me time to try a run. Bad idea. The dust and dry air makes for super crappy running conditions (paired with drinking and not working out for 12 days I'm sure helps!).  We get a little down time which is nice and relaxing.  After a nice final camp dinner, we do late night shuffleboard, mini golf, playground and fire.  Sunset around 9pm is the new first attempt at bedtime for us. Getting back into a routine is going to be hard.

Graham got to go in the river and did a great job not getting his splint wet.

Last fire :(

On the Lido deck, shuffleboard.

Some type of tribal dance around the fire. Because Arlo looks so tribal.

As we are heading to Vegas tomorrow and this is our last night in the RV I can't help but reflect on how (expectedly) stressful the beginning was, but how much I was really enjoying the vacation.  Broken bones and all. I am looking forward to a huge shower and tub in the hotel too, but part of me misses the RV before we even turn it in. Traveling with an (almost) 2 and 4 year old meant that every day there was some normal stress, bickering and parenting issues but overall just so, so much fun!

The kids are still awake as I write the notes from the day at 10pm by the fire. Did I mention getting back to a routine would be hard?!

Day 10 - ER visit & Zion

Oh, snap!


The day starts out with a bang. While getting ready to head out to Zion, G is playing on the playground and falls from the monkey bars. While I was standing right there. It happened so fast I couldn't stop him from hitting the ground hard, and I'm pretty sure his wrist is broken. Now let me just say I am NOT a mom who overreacts. I have taken each kid to the ER exactly once so far and it was after calling the doctor and having them tell me to go in. And I mentioned before that I lack a sympathy gene, so I more often than not tell the boys to walk it off. But not this time. I knew the way G was shaking and just holding his arm told me it was time for an X-Ray and a cast (I may have broken a few bones in my day).  We come back to the RV and I tell Mike we need to go to an Urgent Care right away.  I noted where one was on the way in because, well, I'm G's mom and I knew we had had a good long 4 year run of NOT having an injury from his daredevil acts. I ALWAYS know where the closest hospital is!


On the way to the hospital, Mike and I learn a hard parenting lesson: don't ever sound like you are blaming the other parent for something in front of your kid. Mike asks me, "where were you?!" while driving. This makes me start crying because I already felt awful about it happening and I was literally standing right there but it happened too fast. He wasn't trying to accuse me, but in him trying to get an idea of what happened he sounded like he did and G definitely heard it. While we were in the waiting room at the Urgent Care G turns to me asks "why didn't you catch me? where were you?" UGH. Heart. Broken. I guess even though I feel awful G had to learn the important lesson that we just WON'T always be there to catch him. He's been so fearless with his body without injury for so long we're almost relieved that we finally have something to point to in saying, "but you could get hurt." I still hate that it happened, but am looking for a silver lining.


In the waiting room we sit across from a mother who is bringing in her youngest son (8 years), the "caboose" of 5 kids. He says he wants a baby sibling in his family. It's like in their blood here to MAKE MOAR BABIES!!!! They are so nice though and the little boy makes G laugh.  The facility is SO nice and we only have to wait like 20 minutes. In that time I get to see real life Kimmy Schmidt Mole Women in the waiting room (Mike later tells me "that's just how Mormons dress Kathleen." I am not as worldly as I thought).  While waiting G is such a toughie. He hasn't cried since we got there and is already finding ways of holding and moving his broken arm with his good arm (thank goodness he hurt his left arm!).



We go back to see the intake nurse and then the doctor and G is chatting them both up like he's know them his whole life.  At one point he says to the doctor, "excuse me, Dr. Orr said I don't get more pokes (shots) until I'm in 6th grade so you don't need to give me any pokes, OK?" At least he can recite his own medical history by 4. We get X-rays from a tech (on site imaging! a one stop shop! we really lucked out) who is just as nice as the nurse and the doctor before her. Geez, these people love kids! Between the facility and the care we got I am giving a big ups to Intermountain Healthcare in Hurricane, Utah. We confirm what I already knew that he broke two bones in his wrist (buckle fracture) and they splint and wrap it in a temporary cast until we can get a full cast back home.




We leave around 11:30 and head to Dairy Queen (again!) for a celebratory 'first broken bone' lunch. Please note that this happened at 9:30 and we were one our way by 11:30. Well done to all the parties involved! G is functioning like nothing happened and showing me how he can do everything with one hand. This kid's resilience is amazing.


After lunch we head to Zion for a scenic drive. The boys snooze and the adults enjoy the amazing views of the park from the RV. We know we will come back tomorrow to hike so we aren't too worried about squeezing it all in today. It's pretty awesome that we were able to rally to have a nice day in the park after all.

The sky is almost surreal blue against the mountains.

Where the Buffalo roam

tunnel!

There is a mile long tunnel that we get to drive through and the boys are awake for the return trip on that.  We let Arlo sit on my lap for part of the 10 mph single lane drive in park. Total badass.

On the way home we stop in Virgin, UT and they have a fake Old West town set up with a petting zoo that G and Mike explore while I hang in the RV with sleeping Arlo. Mike takes the cutest picture of G with his cast and sling sitting on a covered wagon and he looks like a scene out of Oregon Trail.
 

I snicker every time I see Virgin Jail. Because I'm 12. Same with Ass Saloon.

We come back home and switch camping spots as we were right across from the playground and pool and now we don't even want it in eyesight. I make a tasty bacon and blue-cheese burger dinner with my newly invented Mexican salad (homemade cumin lime dressing) and sautéed corn "off" the cob.  I love camp cooking. Everyone goes to bed happy after a campfire, s'mores (this becomes an activity rather than a food for us) and a late night sunset walk. What cute guys I have!

 

RV still life

Day 9- Bryce

Having a Bryce time

We all sleep until 7:30. This is unheard of in our family. Granted, the kids were up until 9:30 the night before, but whatever. Because of our luxuriously awesome lazy morning, we get a lateish start. Fortunately at this point we are getting really efficient at getting "road ready," with Mike on the hookups (the shitter is ALWAYS full it seems) and mom on the food and clothes storage. Even with the sleep in we make it to Bryce Canyon by 10am, plenty of time to check it out before the clouds and rain set in as forecasted after noon.

Bryce.Is.Amazing. WOW! It literally looks like towers of red and orange fire shooting out of the forest. It is the most bizarre landscape I've seen (and I've seen a pretty good chunk of the world if I do say so myself). We check out Sunrise Point and admire the view. We decide to hike the Queens Garden Trail which is supposedly "easy." However it's really steep going down so Wild Card has to stay on my back and G has to hold Daddy's hand the whole way. We see fairly in shape adults really struggling coming back up, and they don't have a small troll on their back, punching and kicking you the entire way. Wild card is PISSED he can't run down the trail like yesterday and starts pulling my hair and scratching the small mole on my neck while repeatedly asking, "ma is dis a mole or a nipple? is dis a mole? is dis a nipple?" He's kinda obsessed with nipples. He stopped nursing two months ago, but if given the chance he'd be right back at it. Definitely a boob man. Either way, by halfway down I call an audible and say Team Feldbomb is turning around. G was getting tired anyway and I can't imagine how rough the whole climb back up would be. But man, look at this place! I wish we could have hiked more here, but the drop offs were SO steep that it wasn't very much fun for the boys and it was stressful for us. So we just admired the view while we could. We eat lunch in the park right before the rain and head out to Zion, or more precisely Hurricane, UT for our last campground.

Arlo and mommy, both enjoying the hike immensely!

One of my favorite shots from our trip.

The drive to Hurricane is fittingly, very windy.  There is also a huge elevation drop thankfully and my ears are happy. I'm hoping this makes Mike's head happy too. We hit the local Dairy Queen for some milkshakes and fries as an afternoon snack before setting up camp.  The Dairy Queen is very... Utah. It's very rural and very, very white. G and I look practically tribal by comparison. Every family has 5+ kids. The young girls working behind the counter are as friendly and country as they come. At one point, a girl who is bussing the tables around us walks over and picks up Arlo, playing with him and talking to him. I am not one of those people that gets all panicky over someone doing that thank goodness, but I found it so foreign to see a stranger with that comfort level in touching my kids. We realize we are surrounded by BABYSITTERS and wish we had the guts to ask one of them to just come to Vegas with us for the last 2 nights so we could go out. Ha.





This is how we do dinner time:

We get to the campground and it has a heated pool, so no matter the weather those boys are going swimming. We have a bedtime assist as a pool is a sleep maker. Around this time we see a German family with the same RV and 3 children, one about Arlo's age and two older boys. This makes me realize this is the first time we are seeing a family with more than a baby RVing. And we actually haven't seen one other American family with kids RVing or camping (and we won't). This delights my competitive spirit that we are doing something that only a hardy German family can handle. Where are you now China?! Ha! We win the outdoorsy thing!!! I may have had 2 days of relaxation and am now back into full type A Kathleen mode as I am finding a way to associate our vacation with world domination.



USA! USA! USA!